Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Something... and Half of Something


So, according to the UN, the US has offered sanctuary to 7,000 palestinians from Iraq. Ain't that grand! Just think, no other country in the world will welcome them, but the US is throwing open its doors.

Just forget about all those "Death to America" chants and remember, palestinians are our friends.

In a perfect world, these palestinians would be settled in a blue state, preferably Massachusetts, but this is not a perfect world. Goodness knows where these palestinians might end up, but if you're lucky, it could be your state! And what if it is your state? What changes could you expect?

Well, in accordance with the demands made on Israel when it comes to the palestinians, we can assume that any state offering sanctuary to palestinians will provide the same fair and equitable treatment of palestinians that the world has demanded from Israel. Despite their "repuation" for blowing themselves up in discos and pizzarias and shooting rockets at hospitals and grade schools, you shouldn't worry, and your sensitivity to what has been described as their "natural reaction to oppression" will help them overcome these character flaws.

In accordance with palestinian religious beliefs, one of the first things the palestinians will want to do upon their arrival in your state will be to destroy any and all places of worship already existing in your state and to build a mosque on top of the land where they once stood. All religious books other than the Koran will be burned or otherwise destroyed. The fires are very pretty and will be enjoyed by your entire community.

Any attempt to stop the palestinians from exercising their religious freedom in your state will be considered an act of oppression and result in the immediate declaration of an intifada, and the lives (and the land) of its citizens will be forfeit. The declaration of an intifada means that the palestinians are now allowed to kill as many of your state's citizens as possible, using any and all ways and means available, while the rest of the world cheers them on. In accordance with condemnations of Israel for taking actions to protect her citizens, you can be sure that your state will not make any attempt to deter its palestinians from slaughtering its citizens in great numbers, and will to allow them to do so without any hinderance. In fact, your state will likely provide them with bus passes. Failure to do so will result in the immediate declaration of another intifada.

As a citizen of your state, you would do well to remember that once the mosque is standing, you will not be permitted to enter the grounds, lest you defile such a holy place. Should you, or any citizen who is not a palestinian, ever set foot on the grounds, another intifada will be declared.

Jews and Christians are offensive to palestinians, and your state should immediately relocate any and all Jews and Christians out of the state and to a place far away enough so as not to offend the sensibilities of the palestinians, perhaps the moon. Failure to do so will result in the immediate declaration of yet another intifada.

Once your state gets its intifada(s), the re-education of your children in the fine arts of rock throwing and suicide bombing will immediately commence. The palestinians will then smuggle weapons and arabs from other countries like Jordan and Syria and Iran to support the intifada(s) (which your state will have brought upon itself). Any such arabs who manage to sneak into your state to kill its citizens should immediately be considered just another one of your state's palestinians. Construction of a border fence to keep "future" palestinians out of your state and/or the failure to make these palestinians welcome in your state will result in the immediate declaration of another intifada.

In order to support the intifada(s), safe houses will need to be established to allow for the storage of munitions and the manufacture of suicide bombs, tunnels will need to be dug to transport them from one neighborhood to the next. The destruction of these safehouses and/or tunnels will be considered a massacre of poor oppressed palestinians and will result in the immediate declaration of another intifada. Any palestinians killed in the preparation of bombs will be considered to have been a freedom fighter killed by your state and their deaths will result in the declaration of another intifada.

Of course, eventually, your state should offer its palestinians their own state within your state, since the failure to do so would be considered an act of oppression and result in the declaration of another intifada. In order to establish the palestinian state within your state, your state should forcibly remove a large number of its citizens from their homes and businesses and put those citizens in tents, caravans and/or jail if they resist, in order to provide the palestinians with the free housing they deserve. Failure to do so will also result in the immediate declaration of another intifada.

Yes, there is much to look forward to if your state becomes a sanctuary for palestinians, I'm sure you will enjoy your new neighbors as much as Israel does.

Posted by LindaSoG at April 11, 2007 06:19 AM

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